Step 4 Quick Reference Card

This Week’s Skill

10-15 min daily special time — they lead completely

Phone away, follow their lead, no teaching.

Good enough: Special time with at least one child on at least 3 days.

Special Time Rules

You DO	You DON’T
Follow their lead	Teach or correct
Sportscast (see below)	Evaluate (“Good job!”)
Phone in another room	Ask leading questions
Warn before ending	End abruptly

Always okay: Step in for safety, harm, or property damage.

Sportscasting

Describe what you see — no judgment.

Not This	This
”Beautiful!"	"You’re using blue."
"Good job!"	"You built it tall."
"What color is that?"	"You picked the green one.”

Non-Verbal Options

Sit nearby (no agenda)
Mirror their expressions
Chase / peekaboo
Be bumbling and incompetent (they direct)
Parallel play (do what they do) — this still counts as special time

Ending Special Time

“Two more minutes”
“Special time is all done”
Clear next activity

After-School Ritual

Arrival cue (shoes off)
Same snack spot
15-30 min decompress (no demands)

Don’t ask: “How was your day?” — wait until later.

Mastery

Follow their lead 15 minutes without directing or correcting.

Step 4 • Phase 2: Connect & Name Feelings