Name and validate feelings before fixing
Acknowledge feelings first. Don’t rush to solutions.
| Step | What to Do |
|---|---|
| 1. Name it | ”You’re frustrated” |
| 2. Validate it | ”Of course — you really wanted that” |
| 3. Don’t fix yet | Just let the feeling be heard |
| 4. Wait | Watch for body to soften |
If words are hard: “Something’s wrong. I’m here.”
ND note: A silent nod and staying nearby counts. Presence matters more than perfect words.
| 2-Year-Olds | 6-Year-Old |
|---|---|
| ”Sad!” “Mad!” “You want it!" | "You’re really disappointed." |
| "You WANT that!" | "That felt unfair.” |
“You wish you could stay at the park forever!”
Give them their wish in fantasy. They feel understood; you haven’t given in.
| Instead of… | Try… |
|---|---|
| ”You’re fine" | "You’re upset right now" |
| "Don’t cry" | "You’re really sad" |
| "It’s not a big deal" | "This feels big to you” |
When you’re triggered: “What am I feeling? What do I need?”
Name BOTH kids’ feelings before solving:
“You’re frustrated. And YOU’RE frustrated too.”
Light candle. Moment of silence. “We’re all here.”
You acknowledge feelings before offering solutions — at least half the time.
Step 5 • Phase 2: Connect & Name Feelings