Step 7 Quick Reference Card

This Week’s Skill

Describe and inform instead of commanding

One cooperation tool—not a ban on direct requests or instructions.

Three Tools (Choose One)

Tool	Example
Describe the problem	”I see bare feet.”
Give information	”We leave in 5 minutes.”
Brief shared reminder	”Shoes.”

Match the Situation

Situation	Try
Established, low stakes	”Your lunchbox is still on the table.” Then wait.
Action needed	”Your lunchbox is taking the dinner-plate spot. Please put it on the counter.”
New toy routine	”These toys go in this basket. Watch me. Let’s do it together.”
Safety/non-negotiable	Give a clear instruction or boundary and help.

Age Scripts

2-Year-Olds	6-Year-Old
”Shoes go on feet!” (+ point)	“I notice you’re not dressed. We leave at 7:30."
"Food stays on plate."	"Your plate is still on the table.” (wait)

Key Principles

SAY LESS
WAIT 10-30 SECONDS BEFORE ADDING WORDS
GET CLOSE BEFORE SPEAKING
USE VISUALS WHEN HELPFUL
IF THE CUE MISSES, CLARIFY OR HELP

Use the least language that stays clear for this child. Description is one tool; be direct when an action is required. A missed inference is not defiance.

Visual Support

Create ONE visual for a recurring issue:

Picture schedule for morning routine
Photo of where coat goes
Checklist by the door

Post at kid-eye level.

Command Audit

Track commands for one day. Replace ONE with description/info.

Sibling Fights

“I see two kids who both want the same toy.”

Then wait. Let them problem-solve.

Mastery

You catch yourself before commanding and rephrase — at least once a day.

Step 7 • Phase 3: Cooperation Without Coercion