Replace “good job!” with describing what you see
You can still be warm and enthusiastic — just add information.
| Step | Example |
|---|---|
| Describe action | ”You put all the cars in the bin.” |
| Describe effect | ”Now we can find them tomorrow.” |
| (6yo) Character word | ”That’s persistence.” |
If you forget the rest, Step 1 (describe action) is enough.
Silent nod or gentle eye contact also counts.
| Instead of… | Try… |
|---|---|
| ”Good sharing!" | "You gave sister the toy. She smiled." |
| "Good job!" | "You did it! You got your shoes on!" |
| "Good drawing!" | "You used lots of colors." |
| "You’re so smart!" | "You figured it out. You kept trying.” |
2yo twins: Enthusiasm in TONE. “You DID it!” Simple descriptions only.
6yo: More detail okay. Add character words: “That’s patience.”
Replace ONE “good job” per day with a description.
The pause before praising = the skill.
Lock in bedtime routine with stories.
Same steps, same order, every night.
Optional “grit sandwich” for 6yo: good thing, hard thing, tomorrow preview.
If even one story feels impossible this week, skip this track. Track 2 is enough.
Descriptions come more naturally than evaluations. You pause before praising — at least sometimes.
Step 9 • Phase 3: Cooperation Without Coercion