Step 11 Quick Reference Card

The Sibling Safety Ladder

LevelResponse
1. BickeringIGNORE (but stay nearby). Think about your vacation or count 5 blue things.
2. Heating UpSPORTSCASTER + LEAVE (see below)
3. Possibly DangerousSEPARATE. “Different rooms so bodies can cool down. You’re not in trouble.”
4. DangerousINTERVENE. Attend injured child. “People are not for hurting.”

For toddlers, you can ignore while staying in the same room.

Dangerous vs Annoying

Dangerous: Hitting to hurt, head/face, choking, biting hard, weapons
Annoying: Yelling, tattling, light pushing, “he touched my stuff”

Level 2 Script

"I see two angry kids!"
"[Name] wanted ___. [Name] wanted ___."
"I have confidence you can figure this out."
LEAVE.

Comparison Rewrites

Don’t SayDo Say
”Why can’t you be like…”Describe the behavior you want
”She’s the wild one""She has a lot of energy"
"Same for everyone""Are you still hungry?”

When One Complains About Another

  1. Acknowledge: “You’re really upset with him.”
  2. Validate wish: “You wish he’d disappear sometimes!”
  3. Don’t defend or fix immediately

Environment Task

Create [6yo’s name]‘s protected space — a shelf, drawer, or box twins can’t access.

“You don’t have to share everything in this space.”

Mastery

You ignore Level 1 bickering and step back from Level 2 — at least half the time. Not 100%!

Step 11 • Phase 4: Boundaries, Siblings, Problem-Solving