Step 12 Quick Reference Card

Problem-Solving (6yo)

  1. Wait until calm
  2. “I’ve noticed [problem]. You seem [feeling]. I feel [feeling].”
  3. “What could we try?”
  4. Brain-dump ALL ideas (even silly ones)
  5. Pick one to try
  6. Check back next day

Practice Runs (2yo Twins)

SkillScript
Taking turns”Let’s practice! Say ‘your turn’ and give it to me. Now ‘my turn’!”
Using words”When you want it, say ‘mine!’ Let’s practice!”
Transitions”When the music stops, we walk to the car. Let’s try!”

30 seconds, make it fun, repeat often

Repair After Rupture

1. OWN IT: "I yelled. That wasn't okay."
2. NAME FEELING: "I was really overwhelmed."
3. LOVE + PLAN: "You're a good kid. I'm working on it."

For 2yo: “Mama got too loud. I’m sorry. I love you.” [Offer hug]

What NOT to Do

❌ “I’m sorry, BUT if you hadn’t…”
❌ Excessive guilt or groveling
❌ “You made me yell”
❌ Demanding they accept the apology

Weekly Check-In (10-15 min)

Three questions, everyone answers:

  1. “What went well this week?”
  2. “What was hard?”
  3. “One thing to do differently?”

Mastery

Pick one: problem-solving OR a repair OR a check-in. That’s enough for this week.

You can repair after rupture — apologize simply, without excessive guilt, and move on.

Step 12 • Phase 4: Boundaries, Siblings, Problem-Solving