Step 14 Quick Reference Card
The Role Trap
| Label (Avoid) | Description (Use) |
|---|
| “She IS stubborn" | "She’s holding firm right now" |
| "He’s the wild one" | "He has lots of energy today" |
| "She never shares" | "Sharing is hard for her today" |
| "He’s my difficult child" | "He’s having a hard time right now” |
Add “today,” “right now,” or “in this moment.”
4 Ways to Free from Roles
- Show new picture: Notice when they contradict the label
- New situations: Create chances to act differently
- Overhear positives: Let them hear you say something good
- Model: Demonstrate instead of lecture
Sibling Rules
- Never compare: “Why can’t you be like…”
- Don’t force 6-year-old into “helper” role
- Let each twin be multidimensional
- Describe current behavior, not permanent traits
This Step’s Environment Task
Start a “storehouse” — a list of moments that contradict each child’s stuck role.
Step 14 • Phase 5: Advanced Autonomy