Step 15 Quick Reference Card

The Request Test

How do you react when they say no?

Your ReactionWhat It Was
Punish, guilt-trip, withdrawDEMAND
Get curious, negotiate, acceptREQUEST

What Makes a True Request

  1. Positive — What you WANT (not what you don’t want)
  2. Specific — Concrete action they can do
  3. Present moment — Doable now
  4. Okay with “no” — No punishment follows

Common Transformations

DemandRequest
”Clean up NOW.""Would you be willing to put the blocks away?"
"Say sorry!""Would you check if she’s okay?"
"Stop crying.""Can I sit with you?"
"Get your shoes on!""Can you get your shoes before we leave?”

When They Say No

  1. Get curious: “What’s going on?”
  2. Problem-solve: “What would work for you?”
  3. Accept: “Okay, not now.”

Your Daily Practice

Replace ONE demand with a true request. Notice what happens.

Step 15 • Phase 6: Parent Sustainability