A companion guide for parents who want to connect this curriculum’s practices to Buddhist wisdom.
This curriculum already practices Buddhist principles — it just doesn’t use the jargon.
Every time you pause before reacting, sit with a child’s meltdown without fixing, or trust that feelings will pass — you’re practicing. This companion names what you’re already doing.
This guide is 100% optional. The core curriculum stands on its own. You don’t need Buddhist vocabulary or beliefs to parent this way.
This curriculum shares deep roots with Buddhist psychology:
If these ideas resonate, this guide offers language and practices that may deepen your work.
What it is: Knowing what’s happening — in your body, mind, and child — as it happens. Not judging, not fixing, just seeing clearly.
Where you’re already practicing:
The practice:
When you ask “Is this dangerous or just annoying?” — that’s mindfulness. When you notice “My shoulders are up by my ears” — that’s mindfulness. When you catch yourself about to yell and pause — that’s mindfulness.
Brave Parenting connection:
“Staying with the unknown is building moccasins; staying in automatic patterns is an effort to stay in control.” — Krissy Pozatek, Brave Parenting
Try this: Before intervening in a conflict, take three breaths and silently name what you observe: “Two upset kids. My jaw is tight. They’re not hurting each other.” Then choose your response.
What it is: Meeting suffering — yours and theirs — with warmth instead of harshness. Not fixing, not lecturing, just being with.
Where you’re already practicing:
The key distinction:
“Compassion is what a mother with no arms feels when her child falls in the river.” — Pema Chödrön (as cited in Brave Parenting)
You can’t always scoop them out. Sometimes you can only feel with them. That’s not failure — that’s compassion.
Brave Parenting connection:
“Rather than identifying something that is ‘wrong’ in a child, there is a sense of normalizing pain as part of the human experience.” — Krissy Pozatek, Brave Parenting
Try this: When your child is upset and you can’t fix it, try: “This is hard. I’m here with you.” Then stop. Feel the pull to fix — and let it pass.
What it is: Everything changes. Feelings, phases, conflicts — they’re weather systems, not permanent conditions. We don’t prevent all storms; we accompany and repair.
Where you’re already practicing:
The reframe:
| Old thinking | Buddhist reframe |
|---|---|
| ”He’s always like this" | "He’s having a hard time right now" |
| "This will never end" | "This is a storm; storms pass" |
| "I need to fix this" | "I need to be present for this” |
Brave Parenting connection:
“No feeling is final; everything passes.” — Rilke (quoted in Brave Parenting)
“The solution is not removing or softening difficulties from our children’s lives — it is compassionately encouraging them to be brave.” — Krissy Pozatek, Brave Parenting
The moccasins metaphor: You can’t lay leather everywhere your child will step. Instead, help them build moccasins — the internal resources to navigate their own trail.
ND Guardrail: “Allowing struggle” doesn’t mean removing accommodations. For ND kids, we reduce unnecessary suffering while allowing growth stress — discomfort within their window of tolerance, with you as a secure base.
Try this: When a child is struggling with something appropriate for their age, try: “This is hard. I believe you can figure this out. I’m here if you need me.”
What it is: You show up with intention and effort. You release control over how quickly they learn, how neatly they comply, or whether this specific strategy works.
Where you’re already practicing:
The test:
A true request is non-attached: you want a yes, and you’re okay with a no.
Brave Parenting connection:
“In the wilderness, kids learn that they get out of the experience what they put into it.” — Krissy Pozatek, Brave Parenting
The win is trying a plan and learning — not having it work perfectly the first time.
Try this: After a hard parenting moment, ask yourself: “Did I show up with my values? Did I connect, stay regulated, attempt repair?” If yes, that’s success — regardless of their behavior.
What it is: People are patterns, not essences. “The difficult one” is a mental shortcut, not a truth. Roles can loosen.
Where you’re already practicing:
The shift:
| Role Lock-in | Fresh Seeing |
|---|---|
| ”She’s shy" | "She takes time to warm up in new places" |
| "He’s the aggressive one" | "He’s having trouble with impulse control right now" |
| "I’m a bad parent" | "I’m a parent who yelled and can repair” |
Brave Parenting connection:
“What would happen if we also realized that we cannot change or control our feelings — only our behaviors?” — Krissy Pozatek, Brave Parenting
Try this: Catch one label this week — even one you only think privately — and translate it to a description of current behavior.
These ideas are integrated into specific steps:
| Concept | Step | How it appears |
|---|---|---|
| Two Arrows | Step 16 | First arrow = pain. Second arrow = self-attack. We learn to stop shooting the second. |
| Four Steps (Bodhipaksa) | Step 16 | Recognize, Drop the story, Turn toward, Offer kindness — a body-based self-compassion alternative |
| Stress cycle completion | Step 16 | From Burnout (Nagoski) — dealing with stress is separate from dealing with stressors |
| Safe struggle | Step 10, 13 | From Brave Parenting — allowing manageable difficulty builds resilience |
These images from Buddhist sources may be useful anchors:
Emotions flow like a river. When we dam them — by fixing, shushing, distracting — they back up. When we let the river run, emotions pass through naturally.
“The life span of an emotion is three to thirty minutes — if we let it be. It can last three days if we go to work fighting it.” — Brave Parenting
You can be a mountain while weather changes around you. Storms blow, snow falls, sun shines — the mountain remains. This is sturdy leadership: present, stable, not swept away.
Life is a rocky trail. We can’t lay leather everywhere our children step. We can help them build moccasins — internal resources for navigating their own path.
When something painful happens, that’s the first arrow — unavoidable. Then we criticize ourselves, catastrophize, replay — each thought is a second arrow we shoot at ourselves.
“First arrows are inevitable. Second arrows are optional.”
Using Buddhist language to avoid feeling:
The antidote: “This is hard. All parents struggle. Practice is support, not a test.”
Especially with ND kids:
The antidote: “Allow growth stress within a window of tolerance, with you as a secure base. Adapt environment. Reduce unnecessary suffering.”
Buddhist jargon can alienate. Prefer:
The curriculum’s secular language is a feature, not a bug.
Phase 1 (Regulation): Three-breath body scan Before responding to conflict, take three breaths. Notice: Where is tension in my body? What am I feeling?
Phase 2 (Connection): Feelings as weather When your child is melting down, silently think: “This is a storm. Storms pass. I can stay present.”
Phase 3 (Cooperation): Non-attachment check After giving information or a choice, notice: Am I demanding a specific outcome, or am I open to what happens next?
Phase 4 (Boundaries): Equanimity practice When holding a boundary triggers their upset, try: “I can be steady. Their storm doesn’t require my storm.”
Phase 5-6 (Autonomy & Sustainability): Two Arrows awareness When you make a mistake, catch the second arrow: “That’s self-attack. I can mourn without shame.”
Optional. Skip if overwhelmed.
Core Buddhist parenting:
Buddhist psychology:
Already in curriculum:
“What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.” — Marshall Rosenberg
This curriculum isn’t about techniques. It’s about a posture: turning toward experience with curiosity and care — your kids’ experience, your partner’s, and your own.
The Buddhist traditions offer language for this posture. The skills in this curriculum are the practice.
You’re already doing it.
Created: 2026-01-07